Freedom is an interesting concept. Something everyone desires yet defines differently. Something so abundant for some and scarce for others. Freedom is something that I think we all define differently. What one might consider freedom another might find inconceivable. For me I think freedom is music. To understand this I’ll go back to the time I truly found my love for music.
Growing up I was a very hot headed kid. I didn’t like being told what to do and refused to settle into the role of a follower. However, for the longest time I never had an outlet where I could really let my creativity flourish. That was, until I listened to my first rap song in 5th grade which happened to be Eminem’s “Not Afraid.” At this moment something deep within me sparked to life. A passion that had laid dormant for most of my life.
I began to listen to Eminem religiously over the years and eventually opened my ear to the likes of Lil Wayne, Drake, Future, and countless others. During this period of my life, my passion for music burned even hotter and I would find myself joining the school’s music club in 7th grade. Here I began to make parodies of songs with some homies of mine. It would be in 8th grade that I would start taking music seriously creating songs by myself. However, my life would take a turn for the worse, and I would find myself drifting away from the music.
My mother and I got into a very intense confrontation which ultimately led to me running away from home and ending up at my grandpa’s house. This all occurred at the worst possible time, as CPS had their eyes on me and, when the situation was brought up the following day at my meeting with them, they decided I couldn’t live with my mother. My immediate family also had criminal records, so they were prohibited from taking me in, which meant I would have to be shipped out to a holding center in Hayward until a suitable home was found for me. This home ended up being way out in Fresno so I gathered the few things I had and moved into a foster home, living there for about a month before once again moving, this time to live with my cousin in Hayward. I would stay there for around a year before yet again moving, this time with my father which would luckily be the last time I switch homes. During this 2 year period without any real access to music, my mental health worsened and I fell into a dark place. This on top of previous events in my life almost broke me, but once I moved in with my cousin the rain clouds hanging over my life departed and the sun came out for the first time in a while.
After a year and some change of living with my cousin the spark came back in full force. My cousin got me a brand new Mac laptop and midi keyboard last year and I was ecstatic. I remember setting it up and opening Garageband, feeling as if I had just found a part of me that I had lost. I eagerly looked up a video on music theory and quickly taught myself the keys in all the Major and Minor scales. Then I went back to Garageband, pulled up a midi piano, and played. I played out the scales and at that moment I knew this is what I needed my entire life. For so long I held the desire to have control of what I wanted to do, not having to worry about the limitations and restrictions others wanted to put on me. For the first time in my life I truly learned what freedom is: music.
From that point up until now, my passion for music hasn’t faded. I love making music and always will until the day I die. The ability to produce something such as music—being able to do whatever I please with no repercussions—is where I’m home. Within the music is where my heart and mind reside, and I’ve never been happier. Some will read this and agree; some will read this and dismiss me. Either is fine with me because, at the end of the day, freedom is a concept whose true definition lies within all of us and it’s up to us to find it.