EL MUNDO DE LOTERIA

My growing up and coming of age experience was completely different from most of my peers. While other kids my age worried about clothes, toys, making friends, and being children, I buried myself in my thoughts and plans. Coming from immigrant parents and being part of the first generation born in America, I was busy trying to figure out the fastest way I could to help my family become legal citizens. I was 10 years old, aware of the dangers my parents faced, helping my sister take on the responsibilities that came from being the eldest, and making sure I took school as seriously as possible, since there is no space for mistakes. I had long past let go of my idea of childhood and what I thought mattered.

Then, I vividly remember standing outside a courtroom, my stomach dropping, and hoping for the best. It was at this moment, I realized: it didn’t matter whether or not I managed to give them their American dream, it would never actually guarantee their freedom. I realized that what I had forced myself to envision as freedom was never really freedom. My vision of freedom was actually the small moments in life, like spending time with family, focused on each other to the point that the outside world vanishes. I had spent so much time worrying about my next steps that I learned to cherish those moments in which I could completely forget about the outside world.

This picture captures the moment in the middle of a game of loteria in which I felt like the outside world vanished. This picture symbolizes the peace brought by this game and how, for a split second, it is just a family playing loteria. There is no outside world, nothing to harm them or to worry about. You’ll see a teal plate filled con los frijoles negros used to mark the cards called. The splattered frijoles all around waiting to be picked up. The warm vibrant colors of the loteria cards. The black wallet with money, dollar bills sticking out. You’ll hear “se va y se corre con…” as the cards go and as we get lost in the time as we play. It is that moment in which we are free of the outside world.